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Political systems of the world explained with the use of cows
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the
economy grows. You sell the herd and retire on the income.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using
letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all your cows
back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are
transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the
majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed
company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on
one more. You sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States, leaving
you with nine cows. The public buys your bull.
FEUDALISM
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM
You have two cows. The government takes them both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM
You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
DICTATORSHIP
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Yours neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
BUREAUCRACY
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other one and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows. In triplicate.
PURE ANARCHY
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbours take the cows and kill you.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
